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Is a Stepmom the Permanent 3rd Wheel?

December 16, 2016




Nobody wants to be a third wheel, but unfortunately as a stepmom, I sometimes get this feeling. For me, there are two scenarios where this is most apparent. One, when my husband and I go out to dinner with his two kids (my stepchildren). They are teenagers so they are perfectly capable of having pleasant, adult conversations. However, the topics of those conversations are often about fond memories they share with their dad that happen to be before my time, which I like to call “The Dark Ages”. I can tell they are NOT doing this maliciously, but are instead just reminiscing. But the immature part of me always feels left out and I feel like I am just sitting there like an idiot with nothing to contribute because I wasn’t there! Meanwhile they are all talking excitedly and/or consumed with laughter about this AMAZING memory. I always have to mentally talk myself out of a bad mood when these conversations are dominating the dinner talk because I am a baby and feel excluded. I know it is childish but does anyone else ever feel like this or have some advice to deal?


The other situation that I sometimes find myself in that irks me is when all four of us are walking down the street together. My husband’s hands are always quickly filled with his kids’ hands and I’m left walking alone like a creepy lurker behind them. Again, so childish but this also makes me feel like the third, well I guess fourth, wheel. Boo hoo.


And I am going with my maternal gut here (which is always right) when I say the stepkids do not do these things purposely. However, these scenarios which seem trivial actually happen often and I hate always feeling like the grumpy member of the family. Help me out stepmammas, do you ever feel like the permanent third wheel? If so, how do you handle it?

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