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Minimize Communication with the Bio Mom: it's the golden rule of stepmotherhood

March 29, 2017


Does the BM (biological mom) of your stepkids drive you completely insane? Welcome to stepmotherhood! Being a stepmom has lots of joyful aspects but of course it also comes with its challenges (duh, that’s why I created Nacho Mom). And of those challenges, the most frustrating has to be dealing with the BM. Somehow, this is a woman that does not always function according to the laws of reason, sense or even human decency.


Personally, the BM of my stepkids was never THAT bad, but she had her specialty of frustrating us to no end. I use the past tense because my husband and I no longer speak to her. About a year ago, we had a giant falling out with her and since the kids are old enough to coordinate their visiting days with her we decided to completely cease communication with her. Like I said, it has been about a year, and it has been glorious! So much less tension and aggravation exist in our household. It just eliminated so much bullshit.


Of course not everyone has stepkids od enough to handle their own arrangements so stepmom/BM communication is unavoidable. I get it. My point is, you need to MINIMIZE THE CONVERSATION to microscopic levels. Stick to the facts. Don’t engage. Even if she says something so passive aggressive or straight up nasty, do not respond. It takes SO much will power, but I’m telling you, disengaging pays off. Its just not worth buying into her crap which is her problem, not yours.


So next time you have an exchange with the BM, try holding your tongue. Stick to the essential logistical facts and nothing more. Please do not confuse this with being rude or impolite. I urge you to be completely civil and enforce your manners. I just think that too many times I see stepmoms take the bait and embark on this frustrating back and forth. I understand It’s hard to not respond when behavior or comments made by the BM are so outlandish but please stay strong stepmammas, and let the BM live in her diluted world without dragging you into it.

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